You're Not Scary
by CandyFiend
Summary: "…You're annoying." Roderich can't have a moment of peace when Gilbert is haunting his house. Oneshot. Human AU. No pairing.


"Roddie!" The translucent being called, over and over again. "Vhy did you leave crosses all over zhe house? I almost hurt myself!" Roderich sighed, closing the as page as the ghost floated in. "Almost?" He asked, disappointed. "Ja, and you sound like you vanted zhe awesome me to get hurt." Gilbert glared at him. "Shoo, I'm trying to get you out of my house." Roderich waved him off irritably. "Hey, zhat tickles!" Gilbert laughed, clutching his stomach. "But, no, I can't leave 'till I've scared you for real." Roderich glared at him. "You're not even trying to scare me, so I'm looking up ways to get you out of my house." Gilbert cackled. "Are you kidding? I've tried every trick I have, and you haven't screamed once!" Roderich stared at him blankly. "You've been trying?" Gilbert huffed, floating out of the room as Roderich returned to his computer.

"Hmph." Roderich sighed, shutting down the computer. "Wooh…" Gilbert's voice cackled from behind him. Roderich heard the lightswitch flip on and off as Gilbert made the lights appear like they were flickering. "Stop that, Gilbert." Roderich faced him. "You veren't even a tiny bit scared?" Gilbert asked, scrutinizing the Austrian. "No." Roderich stated flatly. "Vell," Gilbert stuck out his tongue. "You're still a pansy, you're just a little tougher zhan most. Nyeh!" He floated off, no doubt in search of his dumb old ghost bird that Roderich couldn't see. Apparently this was because 'Gilbird' didn't have a grudge against anyone, and just hung around because of Gilbert's 'awesomeness'. Roderich snorted. To him, Gilbert was about as awesome as the ant squished under his boots. "I'll just play piano, then." Roderich got up, walking out of the room to the living room where he kept his piano. Playing a light, airy melody he'd learned by heart, his fingers flew across the piano. Until, of course, he hit a certain key. It produced no noise. None at all. He opened the lid of the piano, to find Gilbert with a pair of scissors and a devious grin. "I hate you." Gilbert's smile turned to a frown. "You veren't scared something vas vrong vith your precious piano?"

Roderich glared at him. "Well, duh, something was wrong. I can get it fixed, so I'm not even slightly worried." Gilbert growled in frustration. "Fine!" He floated off, playing with his seemingly nonexistent Gilbird. Roderich stared at him flatly. "You know…" Roderich trailed off, keeping the last few words to himself. "Vhat?" Gilbert asked, annoyed. "Nothing." Roderich shrugged, walking away. Whether Gilbert was a gift or a curse, Roderich didn't know. But he was leaning towards curse.

.oO0Oo.

Roderich woke up groggily, his curtains drawn, the room was completely black. He felt another bump, and he sighed with annoyance. "Gilbert, do you even know what time it is?" A muffled voice from under the bed whined, "You still aren't scared?" Roderich reclined on his bed. "No, now leave me alone." He began to snore, and Gilbert floated out from under the bed. "Roddie really needs to clean out under his bed." Gilbert sneezed, brushing dust off himself. How the dust even touched him, he didn't know. What he did know, however, was that Roderich needed a vacuum.

.oO0Oo.

Roderich groaned as a croaking sound woke him up. At least this time it was morning. He sleepily opened his drawer, unsurprised to find two dirty green toads relaxing on his socks. "Gilbert," he called to the ghost, stumbling back to his bed. "Vhat?" The silver-haired ghost responded gleefully. "You put toads in my sock drawer." Gilbert nodded cheerfully, "Ja, I did! Vere you scared? Can I finally leave?" Without waiting for a reply, Gilbert yanked a window open, flying out into the early morning. For a moment, it seemed he was finally free, and Roderich would never have to deal with him again. "Acht!" Gilbert exclaimed, jerking backwards into the floor. Upon contact with Roderich's shiny wooden flooring, sparks flew from the impact, scorching his otherwise-clean surface. "I… hate… you…!" Gilbert wheezed, sinking through the floor as Roderich piled all of his socks into a laundry basket, shutting the toads in the drawer. "The feeling is mutual." He grumbled, hefting the basket of socks.

.oO0Oo.

"Third time's the charm," Gilbert whispered. "And I intend to leave here today." With that, he cut the power. He heard Roderich's annoyed shouting to cut it out, but ignored it, smirking deviously. He played a random recording of a generic horror movie. "Gilbert, it's not scary." Roderich's voice was even more stern. Gilbert frowned, taking the red paint he'd stolen and splashing it everywhere. If it got him out of the house, it was worth it. He was sure even Roderich would agree with that. Taking a deep breath, Gilbert screamed as loud as he could, suddenly cutting it short for dramatic effect. He grinned as he heard Roderich's somewhat uncertain voice from the other room, "Gilbert?"

"Are you there?" He heard Roderich's footsteps coming down the hallway. Gilbert gulped, this would be the hard part. He concentrated hard, willing the scariest person he'd known in life to the room: Ludwig, Gilbert's younger brother from Germany. "Vhat is it, Gilbert?" Ludwig sighed. Roderich and Ludwig were practically identical twins sometimes. "Pretend to be dead, I need you to so I can get out of zhis house!" Gilbert begged, shooting nervous glances at the door. "Fine, but you better not bother me anymore." He floated down to the floor and sprawled out crookedly. "Danke." Gilbert sped off through the walls, waiting tensely. "Gilbert, why are you in my closet?" Gilbert blinked. Standing before him was Roderich. "Hiding… from the dead body?" He offered lamely. Roderich stiffened. "You killed someone?" Gilbert grinned. "Sure, he's right downstairs." Roderich cast an uneasy glance at him, walking down the stairs.

"What… the…?" Roderich breathed, seeing the obviously dead body laid haphazardly on the floor. "It's just a guy off zhe street." Roderich turned around to find that Gilbert had vanished. He felt someone tap on his shoulder. "Boo." Roderich screamed. He turned around, faced by the dead body on the floor. "Oh god, not another one to deal with!" He quickly sprinted away into his room. Gilbert floated out, blinking in surprise. "It vas zhat easy? Really?" Ludwig shrugged. "I'll be going now." Gilbert grinned, floating upstairs.

.oO0Oo.

"I finally scared you!" Gilbert exclaimed, upon finding Roderich face-down in his pillows. "I hate you." Gilbert frowned. "I just came to say goodbye." Roderich glared at him. "Alright, goodbye, please leave." Gilbert looked around Roderich's room, probably the only time he'd see this house ever again. "Actually…" Gilbert grinned. "One question and one favor before I go." Roderich groaned. "If it gets you out of my house." Gilbert tapped his chin. "Vell, vhat did you think of me? Honestly, and not just 'I hate you'. Vas I scary?" Roderich sighed, sitting up and facing Gilbert. "You're not scary, you're just… annoying." Gilbert grinned widely. "Good to hear. And, also, my request is: Keep in touch. I liked it here." Gilbert handed Roderich a small bronze plate. "Vell, see you later, Roddie!" Gilbert once again shoved open the windows, floating outside. He got almost halfway through the window before he was once again thrown back to the floor in a shower of sparks. "_Oh mein Gott, warum? Ich hassle mein Leben_."

-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—

Plot twist, Prussia doesn't get to leave afterwards! Poor Austria. Anyways, what Prussia said at the end basically means: "Oh my god, why? I hate my life."

So, please review and tell me if I'm no good or not. Thanks.

-CandyFiend


End file.
